So I went to the doctor and am on some antidepressants now. It takes a few weeks for anything noticeable, though I do feel....weirder than before. Over past couple of days my mind feels kind of heavy. I'm not sure how to describe it. It also could be my allergy medication doing that too.
Either way, for the people in my life I love so much, I think this will help. To all my friends and loved ones, I love you all so much.
<3
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Borderline Pesonality Disorder
After this weekend, I'm pretty sure I need to get some mental help.
The worst part, is that it is very likely the cause of my gender identity issues as well--which puts a lot of who I am as a person on shaky ground.
From the Mayo Clinic:
When you have BPD, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. That is, your self-image or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals, values and gender identity.
My therapist had said I might have this mental illness...now I'm all but certain of it. The worst part is that if it is treatable....what have I been doing to myself all these past few years? My gender identity obviously has changed, but what if it's only temporary? I'm so scared I don't know what to do. And if I get it treated through medication....what will happen?
I don't know anymore.
The people in my life matter so much to me, that I need to get this taken care of, but I'm afraid of the results.
The worst part, is that it is very likely the cause of my gender identity issues as well--which puts a lot of who I am as a person on shaky ground.
From the Mayo Clinic:
When you have BPD, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. That is, your self-image or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals, values and gender identity.
My therapist had said I might have this mental illness...now I'm all but certain of it. The worst part is that if it is treatable....what have I been doing to myself all these past few years? My gender identity obviously has changed, but what if it's only temporary? I'm so scared I don't know what to do. And if I get it treated through medication....what will happen?
I don't know anymore.
The people in my life matter so much to me, that I need to get this taken care of, but I'm afraid of the results.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Gender Differences
There is a really neat series on NPR yesterday and supposedly today about gender identity. Yesterday, the story was about how two families are dealing with their sons who actually feel as though they are girls. One family is trying to cure him, the other is accepting and helping of him.
A lot of these things really hit close to home in this story. Especially the identifying with females, having female playmates as a kid and the like. But the approaches really begin to show that it is really something that can't be cured. Towards the end of the story, you find out that "Bradley" is still not 'cured' of his liking girl things, even after the parents took away everything feminine in his life. Your gender identity is more than toys, clothing, and color preferences. The parents, and the doctor who is trying to cure him, are going to be creating many more problems down the road as the child is simply going to be more frustrated.
You can delay something indefinitely, but what about when the child is on their own and can make their own choices in life? One of the main reasons the parents in the show said they are trying to cure their child is that socially, they feel that someone who is transgender would end up socially isolated for the rest of their life, but mostly through childhood as male classmates couldn't identify with them and that female classmates wouldn't either. I think this is pretty much a crutch for the parents' fears and not consistent with reality. If worked out correctly, you wouldn't even be able to tell the child apart from other females especially if hormone treatments are worked out during their teen years.
In the end, I thought the show did a great job of showing the differences in opinion fairly. Also, today there is an episode dealing with transgendered teens. I'm looking forward to checking that out too.
A lot of these things really hit close to home in this story. Especially the identifying with females, having female playmates as a kid and the like. But the approaches really begin to show that it is really something that can't be cured. Towards the end of the story, you find out that "Bradley" is still not 'cured' of his liking girl things, even after the parents took away everything feminine in his life. Your gender identity is more than toys, clothing, and color preferences. The parents, and the doctor who is trying to cure him, are going to be creating many more problems down the road as the child is simply going to be more frustrated.
You can delay something indefinitely, but what about when the child is on their own and can make their own choices in life? One of the main reasons the parents in the show said they are trying to cure their child is that socially, they feel that someone who is transgender would end up socially isolated for the rest of their life, but mostly through childhood as male classmates couldn't identify with them and that female classmates wouldn't either. I think this is pretty much a crutch for the parents' fears and not consistent with reality. If worked out correctly, you wouldn't even be able to tell the child apart from other females especially if hormone treatments are worked out during their teen years.
In the end, I thought the show did a great job of showing the differences in opinion fairly. Also, today there is an episode dealing with transgendered teens. I'm looking forward to checking that out too.
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