Wonderful times

Life has been very good to me lately. My family came to visit over the weekend and we had a great time catching up on things. And a few weeks before that, I got to see Monica. What more awesomeness could life bring me?

Anyway, I've been very happy. What I did notice though is that not fully presenting as myself leaves me very uncomfortable. It's a weird feeling. I guess it's a very unauthentic feeling. Thankfully, I haven't had to feel that way in a long time.

Work has been very busy this month so far, as we deal with budget cuts and have to make do with less. It's been a bit stressful and now we have new servers to get ready as well. Some days I don't have to work as hard as others, but lately it's been non-stop crazy action!

Yikes!

Things have been much better lately. It is amazing how weird hormones can be at times. Thankfully, my medication is back to work again and those bad feelings are gone.

On the bright side, life has been wonderfully lately! I got to see everyone in Fort Wayne a couple weeks back and we had an amazing time! We got to go shopping, hangout and relax, see Monsters vs. Aliens (which was simply adorable), and enjoy some lovely meals out! The best part was being around those I care and love. Maybe that helped energize me in so many ways.

Horrible Depression

It's hitting me again and it sucks. There's really no reason for me to be depressed and I'm on my meds as well. I spent all yesterday evening when I got home in bed asleep. I felt horrible...even suicidal at times. As I drove home I wondered of unique areas to run my car off the road and hit something without hurting anyone else.

These thoughts are horrible and dark. I don't get why they are happening. I just want to be happy and now it seems as though my medication isn't working. :(

Fable Goodness

Lately, my game of choice has been Fable 2. It is a very well done game and it has so much replay value! In fact I'm playing it through for the third time around because it's so cool.

Your character has the option of being Good or Evil, Corrupt or Pure, Funny or Serious, Straight or Gay/Lesbian, you name it! There's so much to do. You can have multiple families, or no families and your kids eventually grow up as well. Each of your choices changes the appearance of your character. You can buy and remodel your homes as well, and there's all sorts of different clothes you can buy and even dye for your character.

The combat system is way fun too. You can be good at melee, ranged, or magic, or even all three!

The best part though is the storyline and the world they have created. I never played Fable 1, but this one takes place 500 years after that and includes many of the characters being referenced from the first game. There are lots of emotionally charged scenes and the voice acting is great as well. I simply could listen to Zoe Wanamaker's voice forever.

Missing Others

There are a lot of people in my life who I care deeply about. When I am with them, I have the greatest times ever, and when I am away from them, I do miss them, especially right after leaving.

Sadly, though, I've been noticing that I seem to have some problems with the feelings of missing people.

My coworker, today, was devastated the point of crying because her boyfriend was going to be arriving a week later than her was hoping to. She was a wreck. Last year, I remember feeling horrible when I hurt Monica terribly when I had to leave so soon from the visit for her mother's funeral.

I wonder if I am faulty that I can never seem to develop the passion to hurt or ache enough when people I love are not there? It makes me feel sad that I don't have these feelings. While I miss people I care about, I wonder if I am only paying it lip service. What happened to me to make me not feel the pain of heartache from missing those I love in my life?

Recovering from Sickies, maybe!

I wish I had more to say in this post. Lately, I've missed a few days from work because of a cold, and then a horrible relapse again which felt more flu than cold. It was a pretty dreadful time of sickies. Thankfully, the past week has been illness free and life is looking up!

In just a few short days I get to travel on vacation to see loved ones. I've been told by people around me, "Why should you travel so far to be with friends?" The truth is, I love my friends and whether they live in New York, Arizona, Ohio, or Pennsylvania, there's no distance I wouldn't go to visit people I care about.

For now, sadly, I think I'm getting sick again. I'm feeling that icky scratchy feeling in my throat and I hope I can stave it off so that the vacation goes sicky free.

Fallout 3

An exhausted and slightly irradiated Colleen hangs outside Craterside Supply in Megaton

So many years ago when I was young I played a game called Wasteland for the Commodore 64. It was an absolutely brilliant game that took place in the post-nuclear war USA. I even kept in touch with one of the designers of the game who amazingly I happened to befriend because he lived nearby in Arizona. Then, in the 90's, Fallout 1 and 2 came out, which were both inspired in part by Wasteland. They were really good games.

Over a decade later we now have Fallout 3. It is truly one of the most fun experiences I've had in a long time. The Oblivion engine gives such a sense of realism to the game and the landscape, features, and plotlines all hearken back to the earlier fallout series. I hear Fallout purists are unhappy with the lack of tactical options that the first ones have, but I think the V.A.T.S. combat system makes up for that quite well. It just seems a lot more fun in realtime. Also, the blood and gore is just all over the place in this game, which is a big bonus.

The only problem I really had was the ending, which just didn't seem to fit and felt really contrived after all the work you do and the options which should be available to you by the time you reach the ending. Either way, it still is a great ending overall and takes into account alot of what you've done through the game. The soundtrack is just awesome too and you'll find yourself singing old swing-style tunes now and then. You will also learn that the bees are the stingiest way back home as well. I'm not sure why that's a good thing, but it just is, dammit.