My old friends that abandoned me last year keep cropping up in my dreams and in my mind. No matter what I try, I can't seem to get over them or to stop trying to reach out to them. I almost would like something out of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, where I could just erase it all out of my mind, but then I would lose all the wonderful memories and fun we had.How do you deal with the pain of caring about people who won't talk to you anymore? I can't stop caring and reaching out isn't going to work. How do you live knowing that nearly 10 people have just totally written you off in one fell swipe? It is just a horrible situation to be in and it's beyond my control to do anything about it.
Like the message of Brokeback Mountain, "If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it."
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The truth is, angel, that it really is beyond your control. Their stupid decision is just that- theirs. You can no more force them to act rational or utter a word to you than move a mountain with a coffee stir. They are fools. Fools and disloyal cretins. In truth, you are so far above them the distance could be measured in fathoms. Still, I know that is cold comfort while the pain is still so raw.
Just know that I love you, and I'm always here for you. And I will never, EVER abandon you.
I think I might have told you this once before, and it's something my completely kickass therapist told me back in Athens - if people abandon you, they were never in your life to begin with. You can't lose what you never really had.
Still, Monica's right - it doesn't make them any less disloyal or cowardly, and their cowardice will come back to haunt them someday. You can be assured.
Mandy is right. I'm sure fate has something particularly nasty and deserved in store for them. Hopefully involving pits and large, hungry animals.
'Twould be a pleasant sight for ones such as those. XD
i agree with everyone else. I'm losing people on my end too. it hurts but I also look at it, they will always see a guy at least for awhile and so even if they still talk to you then you'll have to deal with the old name and pronouns. I'm learning this too but by letting people go you let yourself go to befriend people who will only know you for you. Its hard, much easier to type then live it but its the best for long term peace of mind.
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